Neighbours from Hell - a mid term report

By Alan Stokes
November 24 2002

As the season fast approaches the half way mark take a look at the mid-term report compiled on behalf of our nearest and dearest. Where will they finish come the end of the season?

Wolverhampton Wanderers

Tensions are still running high in this part of the Black Country after the Wednesfield Wasters spectacularly shot themselves in the foot to allow their nearest and dearest to pip them to the Premiership last term – much to the amusement it has to be said for the rest of the watching Midlands public.
Given Wolves’ stuttering start to the season the natives are getting restless. The pressure has been mounting week by week on the manager and the players with the supporters working themselves into a frenzy. Every dropped point is causing local radio station phone-ins to be hijacked with the rest of the Midlands public having to listen to incoherent rantings about the inadequacies of manager Dave Jones.
Fortunately, for Sir Jack as well as the radio presenters, the Wanderers are starting to pick up their form again and have moved back into the play off positions.

They have brought in experienced players during the summer and certainly have the quality of squad to be challenging towards the end of the season. If they keep Kennedy injury free I predict that the Wolves will secure a Play Off berth at the end of the season.

If they do finally manage to reach the top flight I will be pleased in a way as I think that Sir Jack deserves to see his beloved Wolves in the top flight. He has spent millions of pounds on trying to achieve this aim and has wanted nothing else in return. He has been let down in the past by too many incompetent managers. Sir Jack represents what every football supporter wants, a Chairman with lots of cash who dearly wants his team to play with the big boys.

If they fail to make it this year though, it has been publicised that Sir Jack will finally pull out of the club. Now that would be very interesting…..

PREDICTION

Wolves will finish in the Play Offs and will finally secure their long awaited dream of Premiership football. All the best Sir Jack. Enjoy.
PS A quick message to the fans. Please don’t buy next years season ticket based on my predictions. Sorry!!

Aston Villa

The so called flag ship of Midlands football has finally fallen on stony ground. This has been met with undisguised glee from supporters of other local clubs who have been belittled for years by the Vile fans. After having parted company with the mentally unstable Gregory they are now being guided by the slightly eccentric Taylor. However, all is not well down Witton way as their strike force couldn’t hit a cow’s backside with a banjo, the last two games excepted.

The Villa fans have been slating Deadly Doug for years now claiming lack of ambition due to lack of funds made available. Hell fire, how much money do these people expect this man to keep pumping into their club. He is the only reason that they are still in the top flight. If he goes then which senseless millionaire is going to walk in and drip feed his hard earned into a club that is never going to compete for major honours. The glory days have long gone and will never return. Todays footballing climate just will not allow it. Just accept it gracefully.

PREDICTION

Villa will struggle to do anything this year and will finish towards the bottom of the league. At the moment they are not bad enough to go down but they are to become the Coventry City of the Premiership for the foreseeable future. They have absolutely nothing to offer the footballing world and only exist to give Brummies something to moan about at work.

Birmingham City

The Blue noses have started life in the top flight surprisingly well. They have brought in some quality players during the pre-season with Savage and Cisse looking top drawer. Devlin looks like he is on fire to. What they need to do however is keep their hunger and desire. They must not think that they have made it. If they keep fighting and battling for every point, show determination and desire they will survive.

PREDICTION

The Blues will survive this year and will gradually grow stronger. I predict that in 5 years time the Blues will be outgunning the Villa and will be the best local team. After years of desperation they have the hunger, they also have the ability to extend their ground and I believe that they will fill a 40,000 stadium given the years of frustration that the fans have to get out of their systems. Blues are a massive club just waiting to explode. It is finally going to happen. Good luck to them.

West Bromwich Albion.

After having gained promotion to the big time in spectacular fashion the Baggies promptly became the laughing stock of the Midlands. The close season saw board room wrangles with people coming and going on a daily basis, the ginger whinger moaning and groaning about almost anything and the laughable on/off/on/off transfer sagas with players seemingly desperate to try and avoid an approach from the Albion.

As if the upheaval in the boardroom wasn’t bad enough the fixture computer pitched the Baggies into immediate combat with the best teams in the league to start their new season as a top flight club. Unfortunately the Albion are way short on quality and only have one player who can be considered Premiership class – and he is in goal. It will be a long hard struggle for the stripes.

PREDICTION

The Baggies are desperately short on quality and the Chairman has stated that if they are towards the bottom of the league at Christmas no money will be made available to try and rescue the situation as he feels this would be a false economy. Expect a swift return to the real world for the Bag Ladies.

Come on people, what are your thoughts?