Warning: NUFC Can Seriously Damage Your Health!

By Ben Woolhead
March 7 2009

Then came Everton, against whom Lovenkrands made up for that goal on his full debut with a horrible, horrible miss when clean through on Tim Howard. Shortly after that Kevin Nolan - who I could have sworn was brought in to help rather than hinder our bid to secure survival - took it upon himself to test the durability of Victor Anichebe's leg with both feet and was swiftly dispatched to the dressing room to run the taps and dispense the Matey. Leadership my arse - in a backs-against-the-wall defensive performance in the second half that earned us a point, that came from Sebastien Bassong.

So much for the impact made on the pitch (and on our opponents' shins) by our January signings - the dearly and not-so-dearly departed had plenty to say. Some would argue that, having got the move he craved, Shay Given had no need to drag the name of the club that had paid his wages for over ten years through the mud. Personally, though, I didn't begrudge him finally speaking out - when you've made 462 appearances and won the team nearly as many points, you've earned that right. Unlike Charles N'Somnia, who couldn't resist the opportunity to have a pop at JFK. Well, Charlie, all we can say is that while you hope your move to Wigan is a stepping stone to Arsenal, we hope you're enjoying playing on a rugby pitch in front of a half-empty stadium in a town that doesn't give a toss about football.

Rather more veiled were the comments of another recent departee, James Milner, who for some reason or other was keen to emphasise his joy at playing for Aston Villa, "a very stable club" where you can "just think about your football with no off-the-field distractions". Good job that Llambiarse claimed our long-term plan is to emulate Villa, then. Laudable enough, as (in a way) was the belated admission that the hierarchy had been "naive" in underestimating the outcry at King Kev's departure - but all undercut by his deluded conviction that we'd be "right up there" if our players were "all fit and up to it". And, he might as well have added, if pigs could fly.

As for the short-term strategy, it was announced that season ticket prices are to be slashed for next season. A sign of the credit-crunched times, to be sure, but perhaps also a recognition (at last) that the fans can't be taken for granted? Having deemed it safe to once again show his face in the stands, with a black and white scarf permanently wrapped round his neck as though to ward off the doubters, Mike Ashley clearly doesn't want to be sat on his tod.

Who knows quite what the future holds? Steve Harper - like Nicky Butt, celebrating (if that's the right word) a new contract - summed it up best: "If a Martian landed and I had to explain what this club was all about, I'd say ‘jump on the rollercoaster and enjoy the ride'". Talking of little green men, do you think the rumours of a disgruntled Dennis Wise leaving in the summer might be because he's envious of Hughton and Colin Calderwood, not having been asked to step into the breach himself?

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