Kerrigan in danger of expulsion

By Rupe
March 27 2002

With such a dramatic loss of form in front of goal this season, Steve Kerrigan has been to a specialist college in Barnsley to try and rediscover his touch in front of goal.

Last season's top scorer (and probably the man who kept us in the League single handed), has hit a dramatic dip in form this season, as I am sure you are all aware.

Some people say that it is due to the fact that his wife gave birth over the close season!

Some people say that it is due to the fact that he has been struggling with recurring niggling injuries all season!

We at Shaymen.org can now exclusively reveal the lengths that both Steve and the club have gone to, to resurrect last season's goal scoring touch!

Steve has enrolled at the Yorkshire College of Barn Door Hitting in Barnsley, after seeking advice from fellow striker Jamie Wood?! This college specialises in trying to resurrect the careers of ailing strikers that are struggling to find the back of the net.

The course starts with an average size barn door, and the "students" are encouraged to kick footballs at it from a distance of approximately 5 yards. As they gain confidence and accuracy, they are moved further away from the barn door, which is then replaced by a smaller one as their aim becomes better. When the "students" show their competence in consistently hitting the target, they are then re-introduced into their respective teams.

Unfortunately, it seems that our Mr Kerrigan does not seem to be able to grasp what the college is trying to teach him. Instead of progressing onto smaller barn doors, the college joinery department is being kept very busy making bigger and bigger barn doors, and it is rumoured that a South American rain forest is in real danger of being cut down to accommodate the numerous and enlarging sizes of barn doors that are being built to help his rehabilitation, so consequently the college are seriously considering having to expel Mr Kerrigan.

So, the question remains - "Will he ever score again?"

I for one hope that he does! Good Luck Steve!