Arsenal Squad Shake-Up

By LW
May 25 2006

Arsene Wenger today revealed his new look for the Arsenal Squad.

Dogged by injury and transfer rumours this season he decided that the time was right for a shake –up.

The most innovative move is to make Freddie Ljungberg and Ashley Cole joint goalkeepers, each covering different sides of the goal.

The thinking behind this is that two short goalkeepers = one tall goalkeeper. Ashley will be dropped from goalkeeping for the Chelsea match later in April when Gael Clichy will be brought in to this position temporarily.

Another unusual move by Mr Wenger is to ‘rotate’ the players round the pitch, on a 5 minute basis from position to position for the duration of the match. This gives them all a fair chance of ‘having a go ‘.

Mr Wenger, interviewed earlier today at Hadley Wood, said that this had had surprising results during practice matches.

Patrick Vieira and Thierry Henry will be taking alternate turns at donning ‘Gunnersaurus’s suit ( sorry, kiddies, he’s not real ), before the match, apparently a long held ambition of each of them.

In order to gee up the supporters there will be a sing a long before each match with Bergkamp leading the chorus with excerpts from "Der Non-Fliegende Hollander" and Jose Antonio Reyes doing excerpts from "The Footballer of Seville".

However, Arsene pooh-poohed ideas of a return between the sticks of David Seaman, notwithstanding his having been seen buying a skipping rope and a pair of long bootlaces in St. Albans on Saturday.