Newcastle United Why we need a Manager with a Tash

By Dave Eadevic
September 4 2004

In those forgotten Georgian days of Toon superiority, when we ruled the footballing world, or at least England’s portion of it, many of the players had an extraordinary array of bearded facial protrusions.

Newcastle United: Why we need a Manager with a Tash.



In those forgotten Georgian days of Toon superiority, when we ruled the footballing world, or at least England’s portion of it, many of the players had an extraordinary array of bearded facial protrusions. In fact one of our centre half’s had to be stretchered off when he tripped over an errant piece of nasal adornment and was laid up for almost a moth till his tash grew back.


And that is where it all went wrong, our players went tash-less and we stopped winning the league. It’s nothing to do with lack of players, dodgy chairman or clueless managers its down to the lack of facial hair.

Take last time we were in serious danger, we were on our way to the old 3rd division and it has been widely reported that that Keegan was our messiah: Pah, it had almost nothing to do with Keegan; it was down to Killers fine variety of facial hair. It terrified opponents the way it moved in a gentle breeze.

It is with these thoughts that I personally turn to Scolari and say: hoy mate that’s some tash, fancy a go at the helm of my club? Maybe we could get the players to wear top hats as well (I mean it can’t hurt can it). And while we are about it, can’t we stop all this cuddling business when they score, what about just giving each other a manly punch on the chin.

So my rambling is finally getting to a point, what is the obsession with a Geordie manager Mr Chairman (A man without a tash you’ll notice) the real importance is a tash, so get on it.

Scolari will be amazing at handling that invisible Central defender you bought us, genius that, knocked my socks off anyway, a defender no-one can see, I would like to see the likes of Henry get past him.

Also he can take your other big signing of Rooney round the grab a granny places of interest in the North East wearing a big false tash.

So come on Freddy, free the moustached one.