Wanted by Arab Sheik one football club

By I bet I can pee higher than you
January 16 2006

Michael Owen is not happy at Newcastle United, David Beckham will leave Real Madrid for the questionable delights of Aston Villa, there is a Mr Burns look-alike in charge of the England team,

and just this morning I woke up to find I am an Arab Sheik with a spare few billion in my back pocket (I often wondered what that bulge was, I thought it was piles).

Well stone the crows, in fact no wait don’t I have people for that sort of thing.

I have a few billion to invest, I can go anywhere in the world, so I am going to pick er….Birmingham, it reminds me of my misspent youth in Beirut, but where will I find someone gullible enough to fall for it?

I know what about the Swedes?

A nation that thinks pickled herring is a good idea and meatballs the height of culinary excellence, whose greatest export is flat pack furniture and easily shaggable weather girls?

Enter Mr Burns…excellent.

Me: I am a sheik, I am sheik O’Stevens, damn nice to meet you, here have several million, now I will just sit here with me old tape recorder and ignore that man with the video camera and let me watch you dig yourself a grave.

Mr Burns: errrrrrr…Ok……errrrrrr……..David Beckham…………errrrrrrrr…….Michael Owen……errrrr excuse me I have been here fifteen minutes and I haven’t shagged anyone, do you think you could have someone brought up?

Well Sven exactly what are you going to tell your captain this morning?

What about your main source of goals?

You seem to have landed them in it big time, and here was silly old me thinking it was the managers job to protect the players, not the other way around.

First let me just say, I really couldn’t give a toss what Sven wants to do with his future, but when he starts promising a club other clubs players, then surely a conflict of interest has to be looked into?

As for Owen and Beckham, well I would prefer to wait and see what they have to say on the matter, it would be unfair to brand and torture them……yet anyway!