Submission: There Was A Little Boy Called Graeme

By 0ne Eyed Burglar
January 27 2006

There was a little boy called Graeme, bit of a nasty tw@t by all accounts, well he was if you tried and tapped up his bird or nicked his pint...

There was a little boy called Graeme, bit of a nasty tw@t by all accounts, well he was if you tried and tapped up his bird or nicked his pint.

Anyway little Graeme when he was growing up was a bit of a ladies man, always had a stunner on his arm and as we know women love Jewellery and Jewellery had a way of finding Graeme and sitting proudly on his lovely lady, whomever she was at any given time, ladies and jewellery have never been a problem for Graeme, they both find him through his looks and charm.

Anyway as Graeme got a bit older, the ladies weren't as pretty and the jewellery didn't come as easily as it had in the past. Obviously women being women, they don't take the lack of gifts well so Graeme found himself going from lady to lady (nowhere near the standard of when he was young) and still managed to acquire the odd bit of Jewellery for his chosen boiler at any time.

In March 2000 Graeme met a former Miss Blackburn, who had got on a bit and had recently had a terrible accident in which she was almost crippled forever. Graeme nurtured her back to health, took her to places she never dreamed of going and gave her a lifestyle she couldn't have dreamt of and he managed to get her a beautiful bit of jewellery. She was made up and promised to love him forever.

Things turned sour however, she had a couple of sons from a former relationship whom Graeme had taken under his wing, took them off the streets where they were glue sniffing and gave them jobs in the family business. Of course these ungrateful little b'astards, Andy and Dwight, decided they couldn't be a'rsed to work for him anymore and started sniffing glue on the streets when they should have been hard at work. A rumour is abound that Graeme flicked a paperclip at Dwight and nearly had his eye out, unlucky Graeme.

Around the same time, their own children David and Damien were having troubles of their own. David, who was a fat arrogant little cVnt started mixing with the wrong crowd and living a lifestyle not fit for his job, so Graeme had words, David spat the dummy and vowed not to speak to Graeme again.

Damien was the complete opposite, a talented, shy lad, who respected his dad but was in a dilemma. Does he leave the family business and venture out on his own to a huge World Wide company where he'll earn a salary he can only dream of and visit places around the World he's never been to...........and the office fanny is pretty fuukin good too I may add.

Anyway, Damien had a word with his dad and his dad knew the business would struggle without him but admitted it was too good an opportunity to miss out on, Damien left.

It's a long story but basically Damien's replacement was a shadow of him, the business started to struggle without him and Graeme's relationship with his new boiler was coming to an end.

Around about this time, a gorgeous Geordie stunner had just finished with Brad Pitt, she was on the rebound big time (She's like that you see, she loves cock) and needed help to run her PLC. She quite fancied a bloke called Steve and although she knows he only says he's Geordie when she's around (because she likes Geordie cock better than owt else) so she asked him out. The fat, bent nosed, plastic Geordie nearly shat his pants, he knew she was too good for him and all his flirting and pretending to be a Geordie would come back to haunt him, he declined politely (he shat his pants in reality).

She went through her little black book, which she had crossed out all foreigners (had a bad experience with a Dutch bloke you see) and came across Big Sam. She thought well he's not as good as Brad, he's a Mackem, but I'm gagging for a shag and he's meant to be canny in the sack like, (he studies gynaecology and that you see) not to mention she needed someone to help with the business. Anyway, Sam refused it because she has a couple of kids, Kieron and Craig who are two right little cVnts and he had once bumped into them in an airport where they were disrespecting Brad and he had words with them.

He didn't need the hassle, fuuk that he says.

Gutted she gans through her book and comes across Graeme.......she knows he's having trouble at home and work and asks him if he fancies gannin oot.

Graeme thinks fuukin hell, she wants me she beautiful and loaded. He leaves his wife, kids the lot and moves to Newcastle.

The thing is with this Geordie lass, she has a huge family who are, lets say, not the brightest and are very impressionable to say the least. Before Graeme has moved up to Newcastle they're already regurgitating tales emanating from Miss Blackburns family about what he's done to her and the business, not to mention other bitter conquests.

Before long they've managed to convince themselves that Graeme will take her to the grave, he'll never get her any jewellery and they will make it as hard as possible for her to grow to like him. They spread their regurgitated nonsense about how Miss Blackburn never had an accident at all, the jewellery he had given her had been found on a street, not acquired like other blokes do...............he had ruined Miss Liverpool's life you know, she wasn't 80 going on 81, she was suddenly 21 going on 22 and he left her in an old people's home.

Anyway, Graeme's relationship didn't go too well, but wasn't as bad as the family would have liked. They were hoping Kieron and Craig would help turn their mam against Graeme. But Kieron really got to like Graeme and became a key figure in the family business under Graeme. Craig, well he sulked and refused to work and ended up trying to do Damien's old job.

Graeme replaced Craig and the other trouble making, work shy, wasters along with some decent, average workers with some "proper workers".

Since they've started at their new jobs many of the "proper workers" have had some bad ailments and been unable to work. The family try their best to tell anyone and everyone that Graeme made them ill by putting poison in their tea like he used to at his old job.............

They managed to get into the head of a local journalist called Anal, he's now on a crusade having fallen out with Graeme and he's trying his best to convince anyone that will listen, along with the brothers, that Graeme is to blame and its all going to end in disaster.

Graeme's employees keep pointing out the fact that all the decent workers are of ill and that's why they're underperforming, but most already have their minds made up by the family and Anal.

This weekend they are going head to head with a much smaller company for a contract, the presentation is early tomorrow afternoon, 12.30, everyone is watching and Anal and the family already have Greame's leaving speech written...............they hope.

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