Six Of The Best!

Oi Arsenic, can we play you every week? Well, that was a lovely way to mark Monsieur Whinger's one thousand matches in charge of Arse-nil by posting a landmark of our own. That six-nil humbling of deluded Arsenal is the greatest margin of victory between the two clubs in over one hundred years of skirmishing together. Don't ya just love a beautiful piece of history?!

Congratulations must be extended to our quintet of goalscorers, so take a bow Samuel Eto'o, Andre Schurrle, Eden Hazard, Oscar, and Mohammed Salah. The question is do we really need to recall the misbehaving Ramires for the brilliant David Luiz, and do we need to recall the misfiring Willian in place of the lethal Schurrle? Anyhow, a big standing ovation is allocated to Oscar for his double and to his replacement Salah who promptly lost his Chelsea virginity!

A further source of good news came yesterday when young Marco van Ginkel successfully negotiated his return from a prolonged injury with an appearance in our Under-21 encounter with the Under-21s of ManUre. The Dutch prodigy can now provide reinforcements for our midfielders. It will be fascinating to see how Jose accommodates Luiz, Matic, Mikel, Ramires, van Ginkel, and even Chalobah in the Chelsea squad for next season? Will Luiz jump ship or will van Ginkel be sent out on loan?

Meanwhile back at the ranch, it is especially wonderful to demolish Arse-nil. They have never been gracious during Chelsea's glory years since 2004. As someone amusingly observed, the Arsenal contingent used to love Chelsea until Wayne Bridge scored that goal to defeat the so-called 'invincibles.' Ever since we acquired the bad manners to regularly defeat the Gunners, we have been the recipients of much spite from the Chelsea-begrudgers of norf London. Whilst Arsenic were lording it over us in the 1930s and subsequent decades, the Chelsea faithful had to take their temporary superiority on the chin.

The current Arse-nil team are flat track bullies who excel against weaker teams and then flatter themselves that they are a footballing force. You're just not ready to compete with the superpower of Chelsea. Whenever you Gunners grow a bit of humility, we will respect you for your belated honesty. You rave about how magnificent the Ox and his chums are, but when they are confronted with an outstanding team, they disintegrate.

I must finish with a reminder of the result: Chelsea SIX Arsenal NIL. Lovely jubbly.

CHELSEA'S LEADING SCORERS:

Hazard 15

Eto'o and Oscar 11

Torres 8

Lampard and Schurrle 7

Demba Ba 5

Ramires 4

Ivanovic 3

CHELSEA'S LEADING PREMIERSHIP SCORERS:

Hazard 14

Eto'o and Oscar 8 

Schurrle 7

Lampard 5

Torres 4

Demba Ba and Ivanovic 3

Terry and Willian 2